Just one more week, everyone. Can we handle it?
Yes, that's right: after roughly 700 years, 600 debates, 500 Hillary Clinton email scandals and 52 million acts of Donald Trump-related evil; after Bernie and Jeb! and Goldman Sachs and Wikileaks and white supremacy and Billy Bush and everything else that has turned the 2016 election one of the most sustained assaults on the world's fragile psyche in living memory…there are only seven days left until we know whether we're in for four years of centrism, bombing, and gridlock or a handy introduction to what apocalypses look like. Only seven days!
Though, really, when you think about it, seven days is a lot. There are SEVEN. DAYS. MORE. OF. THIS. HELL. I can't take it! I'm already battered and bruised by such a prolonged exposure to the bleakest, most sinister depths of the human spirit. The world is staggering towards this thing in a dazed stupor, begging for it to stop, but it feels like it will never stop, like we'll be churning over completely contradictory polling information and wildly speculating about Asian voter turnout in Iowa until time stands still, the world explodes and we're all sent hurtling into space, mere particles on the wind. Honestly, that sounds pretty great. Grind us all into a fine dust, universe! Make us disappear! Anything so that this cavalcade of terror can come to an end.
Happy Tuesday! One more week woooo!