"If you guys have anyone in your social media, like I do, that's over the age of 40, you've probably seen a post at some point about how our generation sucks."
Thus begins a super-viral post about how our generation sucks by Alexis Bloomer, a Fox News talking head in the making in Texas. Across 8,500 Twitter followers, 153,000 Facebook fans, and 14,000 Instagram devotees, Bloomer interpolates news headlines, meticulously composed glamour shots and selfies, and opaque, judgmental aphorisms ("Smile more. Duck face less.") about taking ownership of one's actions.
Those ideas coalesced late last Friday, when Bloomer posted an "apology" to our "Elders" from "A Millennial" in a video on her Facebook page. In the video, which has since been viewed more than 38 million times, she bemoans her fellow young peoples' sense of entitlement, their false idols and "obscene" music, their insufficient patriotism, and, of course, their enjoyment of the Kardashians.
(She's not talking about herself, of course. Her parents "raised her better.")
Here's a full transcript of what Bloomer says in the video, recorded in what appears to be the perfect selfie backdrop: sitting behind the driver's seat, her phone mounted to the dashboard, a beautiful vista of a parking lot and a Texas highway winking in the corner. This should be read as it was delivered: with sincerity, and without any self-awareness.
Things start off innocuous enough:
If you guys have anyone in your social media, like I do, that's over the age of 40, you've probably seen a post at some point about how our generation sucks.
Well, as a millennial, I took it upon myself to evaluate what's so wrong with our generation and why they're so mad at us. And then I pretty much realized: We're just existing, we're not really contributing anything to society.
Uh oh: "Took it upon myself" sounds like something someone entitled would say—just saying!
Our generation doesn't have the basic manners that include 'no, ma'am," and 'yes, ma'am'—we don't even hold doors open for ladies, much less our elders anymore.
Provincialism has historically done great things for this country.
We listen to really obscene music that degrades women and pretty much glorifies drugs and crime. We start to cuss now to prove a point, we use words like 'bae' to describe someone we love, and we idolize people like Kim Kardashian, and then we shame people like Tim Tebow.
This kind of lazy criticism of Kim Kardashian has always fascinated me. After an absolute minimum of Googling, you would find that Kim (with a huge assist from her manager mother Kris Jenner) has amassed a considerable empire that spans retail stores, video games, smartphone apps, and of course, a reality television show. Saying Kim Kardashian is famous "for no reason" is a lie.
We're lazy, we're really entitled. And we want to make a lot of money and have free education but we're not really willing to put in the work.
We spend more time online making friends instead of building relationships. Our relationship's appearance on Facebook is more important than the foundation its built on!
Our idea of standing up for something we believe in means going on Facebook and posting a status with your opinion. And we believe the number of followers we have reflects who we are as a person.
Then why are you standing up for something you believe in by posting a video to…Facebook? 😀
We don't respect our elders; we don't even respect our country. We're stepping on our flag instead of stepping up to volunteer. We mock the men and women that are fighting for us, but we praise the people who are fighting each other, guys!
Her closing arguments are arguably her most baldly self-serving:
We're more divided as a country than ever before and I think our generation has a lot to do with that. Everything that used to be frowned upon, is now celebrated. Nothing has value in our generation because we take advantage of everything. We have more opportunities to succeed than any of those before us, yet we don't appreciate the opportunities we have now.
Now I guess I see why I see why people call us Generation Y—like, why are we so entitled because we don't deserve to be and we were raised better than this.
I think our generation—I always wonder what we're gonna be remembered by. And I for one, want to break that stereotype and prove that my parents raised me better. Don't you?
To all of our elders, I'm sorry. And I do know that we were raised better. Thank you from this millennial for putting up for those and for those who don't see wrong in their actions. I hope we start pulling our pants up and start contributing to the society we love and maybe make a difference in 2016 so that we can make a difference in the future.
What's amazing about this speech generally and its final moments specifically is that it's an argument against millennial privilege that can only be made because of American millennial privilege: the college educated white woman records a rant on her expensive smartphone and finds brief viral fame after posting it to her well-maintained Facebook page.
Bloomer exhibits the exact sense of entitlement and superiority she means to criticize, but conveniently absolves herself of those sins. Posting a video of yourself delivering a takedown of millennials and their entitled asses on Facebook is the most millennial thing to do.
Aleksander Chan is Fusion's News Director.