That's all she wrote, folks. After four days and nights of craziness and trying to summon Lucifer, the Republican National Convention is finally over.
Tonight's theme? "Make America One Again." Is that theme hypocritical given the divisive nature of the last four nights? Absolutely. However, let's remember the night we'll all point to in the future after the Republic has long since turned to ash.
Here are the highlights.
A transcript of Trump's speech was released before the evening session got going. Whoops!
The focus was squarely on the eyebrow-raising crime numbers it contained. There were some good reactions.
The opening prayer seemed a little off, tonally
The music was on point, as usual
All the classic rock hits your divorced uncle loves were there.
They're playing Elton John. Seriously, you hate LBGTQ people. Stop stealing LGTBQ music.
— a dilapidated Joe (@KaijuJoe) July 22, 2016
Jerry Falwell Jr. said something dumb
The Liberty President University went _there_?
But there was a bright spot to this hilariously misguided descriptor.
Luckily he had this zinger in his back pocket: an anecdote about his father "dreaming" about an interview with Chelsea Clinton in which he told her the three biggest threats to America: "Osama, Obama, and your mama."
Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio spoke, too!
Maricopa County's finest got roasted on Twitter while speaking about building a wall here or there to block out some country or another.
There was some well-coordinated call-and-response
Pastor Mark Burns yelled for a bit and then got the crowd involved.
It was lit and this was less than an hour into the night.
Peter Thiel had some things to say
The Paypal co-founder took some time away from bankrupting an independent media company to talk about "distractions" and some other stuff.
Real Estate Man Tom Barrack rambled for a very long time
And it was electric.
yea see this is a wild thing to say and i would’ve noticed it for sure yet i have no recollection of this happeninghttps://t.co/HCovKei3Qq
— Greg Howard (@greghoward88) July 22, 2016
There was an ACTUAL SONG called "Make America Great Again"
Build wall around this song. #RNCinCLE
— Elizabeth Plank (@feministabulous) July 22, 2016
The future First Daughter opened her remarks up by calling her dad "the people's champion" because this whole week hasn't been enough of a pro-wrestling-esque zoo.
She also implied that while she was a child "playing" with Lego sets, her father was "doing the same" with concrete and glass. Playing!
Low bar and all, but she was the best speaker of the night.
Then it was time for the main event. He came out to the score from the Harrison Ford action-thriller Air Force One, naturally.
Wait, rewind that.
There was U-S-A chant, baby!
Trump promised there would be "no lies" at this convention. About that.
Were there "Lock her up" chants? Yes. Yes there were.
I lost count of how many times he said the words "law and order."
The LGBTQ part was…yikes
Trump was railing against "Islamic terrorists," name-checking recent sites, but when he got to "Orlando," things took a turn.
Then it was time to ban immigrants
Put on the Pink Floyd because we're talking about The Wall again
Which, again, would be costly.
Oh, man. He let the TSA have it
It's "a disaster" and there will be changes!
There was something about how LBJ was bad and free speech is in danger and separation of church and state was a mistake
[tfw you kiss the fingers after testing the sauce]
I would definitely agree that my support for Trump has increased 5000% post-RNC.
— Martin Shkreli (@MartinShkreli) July 22, 2016
Barron Trump became a star
The little tyke did not want to be on the stage following Dad's speech. "Daaaaad, don't touch me."
In the end, we could all agree on one thing: that took a while!
At least we'll always have the grooving
Celebrity chef Tom Colicchio summed up the week pretty well.
Wednesday, November 9th can't come fast enough.
David Matthews operates the Wayback Machine on Fusion.net—hop on. Got a tip? Email him: firstname.lastname@example.org