Hello. I am New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Once, my approval ratings were sky-high, and I was viewed as a legitimate Republican presidential contender with huge crossover appeal.
Today, this is me.
I stand behind this Loud Man as he mocks my every accomplishment and dream.
I must wave to his admirers, who abhor my presence.
Sometimes I try to hide behind him, so that the cameras will not capture my pain.
But always they are there, documenting my torment.
I hear the Loud Man's words, and horror stirs inside me.
He shouts about his genitals, and I contort every muscle in my face into an approximation of a smile.
When no one is focused on me, I fantasize about escaping to the mountains.
But sooner or later it hits me that my fantasizing is just that; it is fantasy.
Because of my sins, I have been cursed to endure this endless humiliation.
Let my obvious agony serve as a warning to all politicians.
This could be you.
This IS me.
My name is Chris Christie. And once, there was joy in my life.
I cannot say this out loud, but: Please do not vote for the Loud Man this November.
Free me from his iron grip.
Please. And thank you.