Fox News screenshot

To watch CNN, MSNBC, or any of the network news shows, you’d think the United States was in the midst of some sort of massive political crisis.

Fox News, however, would like its esteemed viewers to know that everything is fine, and even if it’s not fine, the people making it fine are all named something other than Donald Trump.

Advertisement

To watch Fox News on Wednesday night in the hours after the news broke that Trump reportedly pressed former FBI director James Comey to end an investigation into former national security adviser Michael Flynn was to be pitched into another world, where the bathrooms in New York’s Penn Station are a more pressing concern than Trump’s increasingly untenable administration. No, really: that’s what Tucker Carlson tried to pretend.

In fairness, Carlson does seem to have a vested interest in the relative safety of public restrooms, having admitted to once beating up a random co-urinator in a bout of gay panic.

Advertisement

Advertisement

But Carlson wasn’t alone in his “nothing is wrong,” carefree attitude. Fellow Fox host and established ultra-racist Jesse Watters said he thought this whole “maybe the president committed an impeachable offense” brouhaha is just plain dull.

“If I went out tomorrow on the street and I asked ten people who James Comey was, I’d probably maybe get three, maybe four, who knew, depending on the neighborhood,” Watters explained on The Five.

“This is a scandal with no video, with no audio, with no sex, with no money, with no dead bodies,” he continued. “It’s a boring scandal. No one knows the deputy AG’s name, no one can pronounce the Russian defense minister’s name.”

See—if only there were video of President Trump paying for sex and then killing someone! Then maybe Watters could be roused to, y’know, care...though probably not.

Advertisement

Sean Hannity, Trump’s most unhinged defender, brought on the president’s favorite Nazi sympathizer, Sebastian Gorka, to decry...leaks. The Comey-Flynn stuff was fine, you see. No problems there. But the leaks? Despicable.

And for viewers who may have gone to bed early last night, and missed the wave of “everything is totally fine” emanating from the network, Fox made sure to keep things up on Wednesday morning’s Fox & Friends panel show. There, after briefly touching on the Trump administration’s current predicament (“they’re not the kind of massive constitutional failings that the critics of the administration make them out to be”), the show’s hosts turned to conservative pundit Matt Walsh for a deep dive into what really matters today—Tim Allen’s recently canceled sitcom.

See folks? Let’s move it along.